“A pentacle dream catcher is not difficult to make. It requires a
circular ring; even a large curtain ring will do. You will also need
some thread, string, or heavy crocheting thread to weave the design upon
this ring. If you really want to be decorative, you can string tiny
beads on the thread and attach little feathers where the string is wound
around the ring.

To begin, tie one end of the thread to the ring. Wind the thread around
the opposite side of the ring three times at a slight angle from the
original attachment, pulling it tight. This will be part of the left leg
of the pentacle. Each time you attach the thread to the ring, wind it
three times.

Now wind the thread about the ring a short distance from the 1st tying.
Your design should look like an inverted V-shape. Pulling the string to
the let side of the ring, wind it about the ring a little more than
half-way up the side. Adjust it until it looks like the lower angle of
the cross-arm of the pentacle. Now stretch the thread across to the
opposite side and wind it about the ring. For the finishing angle, pull
the thread back to the point of the beginning.

If you carefully check the angle of the thread each time you prepare to
wind it at another point on the ring, you can adjust the design. Make a
small loop for hanging at the top of the pentacle.

If you want to string beads on the thread, do it on each section before
you wind the thread around the ring. I’ve seen one pentacle dream
catcher decorated with a Samhain artificial cobweb and a tiny spider in
the center.

Dream catchers do work. They are symbols of personal control over
dreams. And the subconscious mind which creates dreams only understands
symbols.”

Source: [Tylwyth-Teg]

The Altar of the Witches, is a mystery in itself. Originally, back in ancient times, “woman” was worshipped as the Holy Altar, and she was adored as the creative principal in man. In this respect we are not honoring the woman but whom she represents. This is the great feminine in all of nature, which we call the Goddess. The womb is the aspect that we honor and worship, it is not the woman, or the vagina, but the essence of creation and life itself, the hidden Magick within every female of any and all creaturehood.

All Elements and Elemantals and Tools positioned in the East are Masculine, all others positioned in the West and North are Feminine. If you cannot make your tools, just the Elements are enough. The main Tool is ourselves, and Properly Prepared we Must Always be. That is when we are completely tuned into who we are, what we are doing and where we are going. Truth and Spirit start from within, for if you cannot find it within you will never find it without. Blessed Be!

Source [WiccaSeekers]

Beltane marks the height of the season of Spring. The Goddess’s reign begins,
the rule of the year relinquished by the God. Emphasis is on all the
“unnecessary” , ephemeral things that make human happiness, such as love, beauty,
playfulness, and the arts. These things are the fruits of successful labor in
the fields, which leaves us the leisure to enjoy them. They elevate our
consciousness to a level above mere survival. These energies, projected into the
Beltane fires, make them a potent charm.

THEMES

Flowers opening. Trees and shrubs in bloom and beginning to leaf out. Threat of
snow and ice ended.

Final plowing and planting. Milk flow comes in full.

Baal (fire of the sun), a god of the Sun and of vegetation, has his great feast
at this time; as does Olwen, a Welsh form f Venus; Belili, sister and lover of
Tamuz, Priapus, Pan and Eros; Maia, the mother of Mercury; Terminus, Roman god
of boundaries; Aphrodite and Venus; the Roman Flora.

St. George is the Xian version of the vegetation god. Slain by the Giant
(death), he is revived by the Fool (Sun) and kills the Dragon (Winter), in the
spring mummer’s play.

Appearance of Robin Hood, Maid Marian and the Merry Men, of Merlin and the fairy
Viviane or Nimue, and the legend of Gwain and the Green Knight. Feast of Pluto
or Hades and of Walburga, a Teutonic Earth-Goddess converted into a Xian saint.

PURPOSE OF THE RITES

To ensure growth and health of the crops. Magic for happiness in love. Sexual
union among the people are united with the life-force of all nature. Fire-magic
to strengthen the sun and obtain adequate rainfall.

FOLK CUSTOMS

On the last three days in April, houses are cleaned and fumigated with juniper
berries and rue. Couples go to the woods May Eve, build bowers of green branches
and stay all night. At dawn they return bringing green and flowering branches,
and decorate the homes and door lintels as they go from house to house, singing
May carols. A Maypole, cut from a straight young tree, is brought from the
woods, decorated with ribbons, flowers and green branches – or the flowers
and greenery are brought from the woods to decorate (and symbolically revivify)
a permanent Maypole in the village center.

Milkmaids and sweeps parade. A procession tours the boundary markers and other
important landmarks, beating them with willow wands – no doubt t purification
rite. Wells are decorated with flowers and blessed (originally, no doubt, the
spirit of the well was propitiated with offerings) often in the same procession.

Dew gathered at dawn on May morning has many uses as a charm. A king and queen
are crowned, sometimes by the figures of Merlin and Viviane, sometimes by the
Mayor.

Green George (aka Jack O’ the Green Man) is a man concealed in a framework
covered with green leaves, representing the vegetation spirit. He dances and
whirls in the processions, and people sprinkle him with water – obviously an old
rain charm. Sometimes he throws fodder to the animals. He goes with the May
procession from house to house collecting presents of food for the company –
showing that Spring brings nourishment.

Hobby horses parade in many parts of England and Europe, notably in Cornwall,
the most famous and magically potent being at Padstow. Processions of young
girls dressed in white sing May carols and leading a little May Queen.

SYMBOLIC DECORATIONS

Many small Maypoles – poles decorated with flowers, greenery and ribbons.
Garland – hoops similarly decorated. Birth, Hawthorn Lily-of-the- Valley, Rowan,
Willow. Masses of flowers.

SOCIAL ACTIVITIES

Athletic contests, flower shows, horse races.

THE RITE

The altar may be placed in the East of Southeast, draped in white as a
background for the decorations of seasonal foliage and flowers. Use white
candles.

Rites take place on the Eve, just after dark. Emphasize incense in the
banishings, as at Ostara. Also strike the altar, the watchtowers and the people
with a willow switch – just a light tap – to drive away evil influences, with no
suggestion of punishment.

Invoke the Goddess as any or all of the Goddesses whose feasts occur at this
time; the God likewise. Charge the fire to bring happiness to lovers. Communion
materials are the usual crescent-shaped Sabbat Cakes and May wine (white wine,
usually a Rhine wine, in which sweet woodruff has been steeped for at least a
few hours). Afterwards, couples may leap the dying fire to benefit form the
charge. Ashes and charred sticks from the fire also carry the charge, and at all
Sabbats these can be taken home by the coveners to sprinkle on their gardens,
plants or domestic animals, or used in other ways as a charm.

Coveners should wear wreaths of flowers and herbs, particularly roses and
vervain, if obtainable, and their clothing should be pretty and spring-like and
decorated with flowers and leaves.

Rites on Beltane Day, beginning as early as people are inclined to get up in the
morning, should include many of the folk customs mentioned here, wit h a May
King and Queen enthrones in their bower representing the maiden love-goddess and
the priapic green god, presiding over the revels, which include a Maypole dance,
sports and games.

source: [WiccaSeekers]

Tatterhood

Norway

Once upon a time there was a king and a queen who had no children, and that made the queen very sad. She seldom had a happy hour. She was always crying and complaining, and saying how dull and lonesome it was in the palace. “If we had children there would be life enough,” she said. Wherever she went in all her realm she found God’s blessing in children, even in the poorest hut. And wherever she went she heard women scolding their children, and saying how they had done this and that wrong. The queen heard all this, and thought it would be so nice to do as other women did. At last the king and queen took into their palace an adopted girl to raise, that they might always have her with them, to love her if she did well, and scold her if she did wrong, like their own child.

One day the little girl whom they had taken as their own, ran down into the palace yard, and was playing with a golden apple. Just then an old beggar woman came by, who had a little girl with her, and it wasn’t long before the little girl and the beggar’s child were great friends, and began to play together, and to toss the golden apple about between them. When the queen saw this, as she sat at a window in the palace, she tapped on the pane for her foster daughter to come up. She went at once, but the beggar girl went up too; and as they went into the queen’s apartment, each held the other by the hand. Then the queen began to scold the little lady, and to say, “You ought to be above running about and playing with a tattered beggar’s brat.” And she started to drive the girl down the stairs.

“If the queen only knew my mother’s power, she’d not drive me out,” said the little girl; and when the queen asked what she meant more plainly, she told her how her mother could get her children if she chose. The queen wouldn’t believe it, but the girl insisted, and said that every word of it was true, and asked the queen only to try and make her mother do it. So the queen sent the girl down to fetch up her mother.

“Do you know what your daughter says?” asked the queen of the old woman, as soon as ever she came into the room.

No, the beggar woman knew nothing about it.

“Well, she says you can get me children if you will,” answered the queen.

“Queens shouldn’t listen to beggar girls’ silly stories,” said the old woman, and walked out of the room.

Then the queen got angry, and wanted again to drive out the little girl; but she declared it was true every word that she had said.

“Let the queen only give my mother something to drink,” said the girl; “when she gets tipsy she’ll soon find out a way to help you.”

The queen was ready to try this; so the beggar woman was fetched up again, and treated with as much wine and mead as she wanted; and so it was not long before her tongue began to wag. Then the queen came out again with the same question she had asked before.

“Perhaps I know one way to help you,” said the beggar woman. “Your majesty must make them bring in two pails of water some evening before you go to bed. Wash yourself in each of them, and afterwards throw the water under your bed. When you look under your bed the next morning, two flowers will have sprung up, a beautiful one and an ugly one. Eat the beautiful one but leave the ugly alone. Be careful not to forget this last bit of advice.” That was what the beggar woman said.

Yes, the queen did what the beggar woman advised her to do; she had the water brought up in two pails, washed herself in them, and emptied them under the bed; and when she looked under the bed the next morning, there stood two flowers; one was ugly and foul, and had black leaves; but the other was so bright, and fair, and lovely, she had never seen anything like it, so she ate it up at once. But the pretty flower tasted so sweet, that she couldn’t help herself. She ate the other one too, for, she thought, “I’m sure that it can’t hurt or help me much either way.”

Well, sure enough, after a while the queen was brought to bed. First of all, she had a girl who had a wooden spoon in her hand, and rode upon a goat. She was disgusting and ugly, and the very moment she came into the world she bawled out “Mamma.”

“If I’m your mamma,” said the queen, “God give me grace to mend my ways.”

“Oh, don’t be sorry,” said the girl on the goat, “for one will soon come after me who is better looking.”

After a while, the queen had another girl, who was so beautiful and sweet that no one had ever set eyes on such a lovely child. You may be sure that the queen was very well pleased. The elder twin they called “Tatterhood,” because she was always so ugly and ragged, and because she had a hood which hung about her ears in tatters. The queen could hardly bear to look at her. The nurses tried to shut her up in a room by herself, but it did no good. She always had to be where the younger twin was, and no one could ever keep them apart.

One Christmas eve, when they were half grown up, there arose a frightful noise and clatter in the hallway outside the queen’s apartment. Tatterhood asked what it was that was making such a noise outside.

“Oh,” said the queen, “it isn’t worth asking about.”

But Tatterhood wouldn’t give in until she found out all about it; and so the queen told her it was a pack of trolls and witches who had come there to celebrate Christmas. So Tatterhood said that she would just go out and drive them away. In spite of all they could say, and however much they begged and asked her to leave the trolls alone, she just had to go out and drive the witches off. She begged the queen to be careful and keep all the doors shut tight, so that not one of them would open the least bit.

Having said this, off she went with her wooden spoon, and began to hunt out and drive away the hags. All the while there was such a commotion out in the gallery that the like of it had never before been heard. The whole palace creaked and groaned as if every joint and beam were going to be torn out of its place. Now I can’t say exactly what happened; but somehow or other one door did open a little bit, and her twin sister just peeped out to see how things were going with Tatterhood, and put her head a tiny bit through the opening. But, pop! up came an old witch, and whipped off her head, and stuck a calf’s head on her shoulders instead; and so the princess ran back into the room on all fours, and began to “moo” like a calf. When Tatterhood came back and saw her sister, she scolded them all, and was very angry because they hadn’t kept better watch, and asked them what they thought of their carelessness now that her sister had been turned into a calf.

“But I’ll see if I can’t set her free,” she said.

Then she asked the king for a ship with a full set of sails and good load of stores, but she would not have a captain or any sailors. No; she would sail away with her sister all alone. There was no holding her back, and at last they let her have her own way.

Tatterhood sailed off, and steered her ship right up to the land where the witches lived. When she came to the landing place, she told her sister to stay quite still on board the ship; but she herself rode on her goat up to the witches’ castle. When she got there, one of the windows in the gallery was open, and there she saw her sister’s head hung up on the window frame; so she jumped her goat through the window into the gallery, snapped up the head, and set off with it. The witches came after her to try to get the head back. They flocked around her as thick as a swarm of bees or a nest of ants. The goat snorted and puffed, and butted with his horns, and Tatterhood beat and banged them about with her wooden spoon; and so the pack of witches had to give up. So Tatterhood got back to her ship, took the calf’s head off her sister, and put her own on again, and then she became a girl as she had been before. After that she sailed a long, long way, to a strange king’s realm.

Now the king of this land was a widower, and had an only son. When he saw the strange sail, he sent messengers down to the beach to find out where it came from, and who owned it; but when the king’s men came down there, the only person they saw on board was Tatterhood, and there she was, riding around and around the deck on her goat at full speed, until her strands of hair streamed in the wind. The men from the palace were all amazed at this sight, and asked if more people were not on board. Yes, there were; she had a sister with her, said Tatterhood. They wanted to see too, but Tatterhood said no.

“No one shall see her, unless the king comes himself,” she said; and so she began to gallop about on her goat until the deck thundered again.

When the servants got back to the palace, and told what they had seen and heard down at the ship, the king wanted to set out at once to see the girl that rode on the goat. When he arrived there, Tatterhood brought out her sister, and she was so beautiful and gentle that the king immediately fell head over heels in love with her. He brought them both back with him to the palace, and wanted to have the sister for his queen; but Tatterhood said “No,” the king couldn’t have her in any way, unless the king’s son would take Tatterhood. That, as you may guess, the prince did not want to do at all, because Tatterhood was such an ugly hussy. However, at last the king and all the others in the palace talked him into it, and he gave in, promising to take her for his queen; but it went sore against his grain, and he was a very sad man.

Now they began making preparations for the wedding, both with brewing and baking; and when all was ready, they went to church. The prince thought it the worst church service he had ever been to in all his life. The king left first with his bride, and she was so lovely and so grand, all the people stopped to look at her along the road, and they stared at her until she was out of sight. After them came the prince on horseback by the side of Tatterhood, who trotted along on her goat with her wooden spoon in her fist. To look at him, he was not going to a wedding, but to a burial, and his own at that. He seemed so sad, and did not speak a word.

“Why don’t you talk?” asked Tatterhood, when they had ridden a bit.

“Why, what should I talk about?” answered the prince.

“Well, you might at least ask me why I ride upon this ugly goat,” said Tatterhood.

“Why do you ride on that ugly goat?” asked the prince.

“Is it an ugly goat? Why, it’s the most beautiful horse that a bride ever rode,” answered Tatterhood; and in an instant the goat became a horse, the finest that the prince had ever seen.

They rode on a bit further, but the prince was just as sad as before, and couldn’t say a word. So Tatterhood asked him again why he didn’t talk, and when the prince answered, he didn’t know what to talk about, she said, “Well, you can ask me why I ride with this ugly spoon in my fist.”

“Why do you ride with that ugly spoon?” asked the prince.

“Is it an ugly spoon? Why, it’s the loveliest silver fan that a bride ever carried,” said Tatterhood; and in an instant it became a silver fan, so bright that it glistened.

They rode a little way further, but the prince was still just as sad, and did not say a word. In a little while Tatterhood asked him again why he didn’t talk, and told him to ask why she wore the ugly gray hood on her head.

“Why do you wear that ugly gray hood on your head?” asked the prince.

“Is it an ugly hood? Why, it’s the brightest golden crown that a bride ever wore,” answered Tatterhood, and it became a crown at once.

Now they rode a long way further, and the prince was so sad, that he sat without making a sound or uttering a word, just as before. So his bride asked him again why he didn’t talk, and told him to ask now why her face was so ugly and gray?

“Yes,” asked the prince, “why is your face so ugly and gray?”

“Am I ugly? You think my sister beautiful, but I am ten times more beautiful,” said the bride, and when the prince looked at her, she was so beautiful, he thought that she was the most beautiful woman in the world. After that it was no wonder that the prince found his tongue, and no longer rode along with his head hanging down.

So they drank the bridal cup both deep and long, and, after that, both prince and king set out with their brides to the princesses’ palace, and there they had another bridal feast, and drank once more, both deep and long. There was no end to the celebration. Now run quickly to the king’s palace, and there will still be a drop of the bridal ale left for you.

Awaken Past Life Memories Resonance, a term borrowed from sound theory and quantum physics has a special meaning in the context of reincarnation and past life recall. It means a feeling of attraction, a “tugging of the heartstrings” – one that you can not explain. It defies simple logic.

Resonance is an activity that we all engage in, usually without even noticing. We often assess a place, a person, a situation by “cessing” them out – getting a feel for the energy that exudes from them. In the context of past life recall, the resonance is consciously attended to in order to “pick up” past life memories. When we feel it, we notice a subtle sense of belonging, of knowing and familiarity.

Often past life resonance comes in bits and pieces. It is unusual to remember an entire past life. And rightly so. We can tune into the major events that has meaning and direction for the life we are enjoying now. But, just as your recall of this life is probably pretty much focused on significant events – heavens, half of us can’t recall what we ate for dinner last Tuesday – so are our past life memories limited to significant events, people, architecture, locations and so on. We can remember what we need to remember. Perhaps we have a talent for writing that we have never tapped in this lifetime – one that could be easily cultivated which would bring us joy and increase our income significantly. Remembering the confidence one had as a wonderful writer in the past could help seed this growth and creativity.

Start to Resonate With Your World
As you go through your day, stay open for signals of resonance from your environment, people you meet, books and movies you view – anything that you experience! Do this in a relaxed and curious frame of mind – often the signals come to you with a feeling of warmth and discovery if you just relax and look for them. It helps to carry a little notepad with you so you can jot down things that really catch your attention. Or at least file them away in your memory so you can write about them later in your Past Life Journal.

There are dozens if not hundreds of things that can spark resonance within you and bring you a glimpse of one of your past lives. Below are some common suggestions – remember, look for them in a relaxed and open way. Don’t judge them – or jump to conclusions. Your love for ankhs may mean you lived in Ancient Egypt. Or it could also mean you studied metaphysicans in the late 19th century when many fashionable teachings used ankhs for meditation and visual effect. Just jot them down in an unbiased and objective way.

Potential Resonance Pathways

Cities

Countries

Cultures

Time Periods

Music

Art

Hobbies

Race

Furniture

Costumes

Jewelry

Architecture

Flora and Trees

Animals

Landscapes

Waterways & Oceans

Bridges

Cemeteries

Occupations

Languages

Food

Religions

Climate

Rituals

People we meet

Recreation

Social strata

Health conditions

Beliefs

Traditions

Dance

Gender roles

Your Fears

Your Causes

Resonant With Yourself

It helps to sit alone on a regular basis, relax and tune into yourself. Sit quietly where you can look at yourself in a mirror. Gaze in a relaxed way at your image – no judging what you see! Just gaze and notice the thoughts and feelings that come to you. We often retain certain facial features life after life. Look at each part of your image and check your sense of resonance. Does anything look familiar from another life? Your eyes? The curve of your jaw? The eyes are the most common part of the “look” that recurs over and over.

As well, think about your personality. Your own beliefs, assumptions, values, hopes, dreams are your own – now. BUT they are also often colored with the ones we held in certain past lives. Even if we never become conscious of these, they are there. Knowing about them can help us control and shape how we use the talents, the insights or how we get over the fears and pain of relevant past lives. Your own being is your best barometer for finding what is pertinent from those other lives – what is valuable for you now to know and deal with?

Resonance expotentiates with practice. At first, you might get mere glimpses of past life activities and memories. Perhaps a scent will take you back for just a second. Or something you see or touch. Be open to it all – and listen/feel for the message nestled within the memory. In time you can develop the reception to receive strong visual and kinesthetic resonant feelings – ones that can make the memory clear – and bring the significance into focus for you. It just takes practice! Why not give it a go?
GreenWitchcraft@ uk

There are different names for this exercise in different cultures. It is a way
for a person to get in touch with their animal aspects through dance. Keep in
mind that a Guardian Spirit can appear in animal or human form.
 
Undertake this exercise in a quiet, half darkened room which is free from
furniture that can hamper your movements. It is helpful if you have the use of
one or two rattles, but these are not necessary.
 
There are two parts to this exercise, 1- The Starting Dance, and 2- Dancing your
animal. In both dances, you loudly shake a rattle in each hand and dance in time
to the rattle. In all dancing, you keep your eyes half closed. This allows you
to cut down on the light and at the same time enables you to know where you are
in the room.
 
The Starting Dance
Standing still and erect, face east and shake one rattle very rapidly four
times. This is the signal that you are starting, ending or making an important
transition in serious shamanistic work. Think of the rising Sun and the power it
brings to all living things.
 
Still standing in place, start shaking one rattle at a steady pace of about 50
beats per second. Do this for about half a minute in each cardinal direction
while thinking of the element or power animals of that direction. For example,
you can think of an Eagle in the East, a Lion in the South, a Serpent or Dolphin
in the West, and a Bull in the North. Move clockwise.
 
Return to the East and shake the rattle above your head at the same rate for
about half a minute. Think of the sun, moon, starts and the entire universe
above. Now shake the rattle towards the ground and think of the earth, our home
and the gifts she gives to us.Still facing the East, begin shaking both rattles at the same rate and dancing
along with the beat as if you were jogging in place. In this starting dance, you
are giving proof of your sincerity to the power animals wherever they may be, by
making a sacrifice to them of your own energy in the form of dance. Dancing is a
form of praying and evoking the sympathy of the Guardian Spirit.
 
Stop dancing and stand still. Shake one rattle four times to signal that you are
about to make an important transition.
 
Start shaking your tattles loudly, but in a slow tempo of about 60 beats per
minute. Start dancing around the room in time to the rattle. Move slowly and in
a free form. Try to pick up the feeling of some kind of mammal, bird, fish,
reptile or a combination of these. Once you feel the sense of something,
concentrate on it and slowly move your body in accordance with the creature. Be
open to the experience and emotion of the creature.
 
Don’t hesitate to make noises or cries. By keeping your eyes half closed, you
might be able to see the non-ordinary environment in which the animal is living.
You may even be able to see the animal. Do this for about 5 minutes. Without
pausing, shift to a higher state of rattle shaking and movement. Do this for
about 4 minutes. Another shift to a still faster pace of rattle and body
movements. Do this for about 4 minutes.
 
Stop dancing and mentally welcome the animal into your body. To do this, shake
the rattle four times and draw it and the animal towards your solar plexes.
 
Face the East and shake the rattle four times, while standing still. This is the
signal that your work has ended.
 
Once you have successfully gained your power animal, make it content enough to
say with you. This is done through exercising your animal through dancing and
singing songs of the animal.
 
Guardian animals usually only stay with a person for a few years, and then
depart. So in the course of a life long shamanistic practice, a person will have
a number of animals.

Anger is a powerful emotion. It can be used either in productive or counter-productive ways. It can lengthen or shorten our lives. It is like electricity. It can run large equipment or it can electrocute you.
Here are more things to know about anger:

1. It is a powerful survival tool
2. It is a response to pain (physical or psychological)
3. It is a source of energy
4. It is a secondary emotion
5. When we are angry, the brain downshifts to a lower evolutionary level
6. Prolonged anger is unhealthy
7. Repressed anger is also unhealthy

Nature has developed the emotional state we call “anger” to help us stay alive. Anger sends signals to all parts of our body to help us fight or flee. It energizes us to prepare us for action. Many years ago we were threatened by wild animals who wanted to eat us. Now we more often feel threatened by other human beings, either psychologically or physically.

When we feel energized by anger, we might ask ourselves how we put this energy to the most productive use. As with the use of other forms of energy such as electricity or oil, we might want to use it efficiently, not wastefully.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _
Primary vs. Secondary Feelings

Perhaps the most helpful thing to remember about anger is that it is a secondary emotion. A primary feeling is what is felt immediately before we feel angry. We always feel something else first before we get angry.

We might first feel afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, forced, trapped, or pressured. If any of these feelings are intense enough, we think of the emotion as anger.

Geneally speaking, secondary feelings do not identify the unmet emotional need (UEN). When all I can say is “I feel angry,” neither I nor any one else knows what would help me feel better. A helpful technique, then, is to always identify the primary emotion.
Here is an example. Assume someone wants us to do something we prefer not to do. At first we feel a little pressured, but not enough to get angry. When they keep pushing us, we begin to get irritated. If they continue, we get “angry”. Such anger damages often relationships. One suggestion on how to avoid getting angry in this case would be to express your initial feeling by saying “I feel pressured” before the feeling has escalated to the point of destructive anger. If the person respects your feelings and does not
them, they may stop their pressure. Even if they do not, I believe it is helpful to know what the specific feeling is. Knowing exactly how we feel with others and why helps us in several ways. First it raises our self-awareness in general. Second, it helps us communicate more precisely. Third, it helps us learn more quickly who respects our feelings and who we want to spend time with.

Anger as a Response to Fear

One of the primitive functions of an animal’s response to fear is to frighten away the attacker. But in modern human life, we often frighten away those who we need and care about most. Besides this, prolonged anger has clear health consequences. According to Dr. Herbert Benson, these include heart attacks, hardening of the arteries, strokes, hypertension, high blood pressure, heart rate changes and metabolism, muscle and respiratory problems. (The Relaxation Response, 1975)

Responding To and Learning From Anger

Anger is an intense emotion. It is evidence that we feel strongly about something. As with every emotion, it has a lesson for us. It can teach us what we value, what we need, what we lack, what we believe and what our insecurities are. It can help us become more aware of what we feel strongly about and which emotional needs are important to us. One way to learn from anger is shown in the example below:

Instead of saying, She never should have done that. I can’t believe how irresponsible, insensitive and inconsiderate she is. What a cold- hearted, evil witch she is.  A more productive response is:  I am really upset by this. Why does it bother me so much? What specifically am I feeling? What are my primary feelings? What need do I have that is not being met? What principles of mine have been violated?
From the answers to these questions, we can decide what course of action to take in view of what our goals are. Simply being aware that we have multiple options and that we can decide to pick the best one helps soothe the anger. It may help, for instance, to ask if we really want to frighten away the person we are angry at. As soon as we “upshift” and begin to think about our options and their consequences, and make appropriate plans, we start to feel more in control and less threatened. We get out of the automatic stimulus-response mode and realize that we have choices.

There is a quote which goes like this:

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom. – Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning (bookstore)

It may be helpful for us to try to widen this space over our lives, and in fact this may be one of the signs of wisdom and maturity. It may give us an increased sense of control.  Simply remembering that we have a choice helps us feel more in control. I have found it helpful, for example, to identify when I am feeling provoked. Once I realize this I feel more in control of my response. Not surprisingly, studies show that people feel better and are healthier when they have a sense of control over their lives. This is where the balance between upper brain and lower brain comes in. High EQ suggests that we channel our anger in productive ways to help us achieve our goals rather than to sabotage them. Keeping our goals clearly in mind at all times helps us accomplish this.

Here are some suggestions for responding to your anger:

1. Ask what you are afraid of.
2. Ask what feelings preceded the anger.
3. Ask what other feelings you are feeling.
4. Ask what you are trying to control.
5. Ask what you can control.
6. Consider your options.
7. Choose the one which will bring you the most long term happiness.

Finally, here is a technique I sometimes use to help me cope with “anger” (if I haven’t already “downshifted” to a purely reactive animal instinct state). When I catch myself starting to say “I feel angry” or “I am starting to get really pissed off,” I say instead, “I feel really energized.” Then I ask myself how I want to channel my energy to its best use. It is a simple little technique, but sometimes it has made a big difference in how I feel and how I respond.