The mysterious members of the Leicester Pagan Alliance

 : A warning to the traveller
A humourous account by LPA Member Lee 

It is three o’clock in the morning. I am staring at the wall in my small, dirt encrusted living room. I am deeply lost. My brain has failed, and has taken the form of something similar to the jelly desert put through a butcher’s device. It is telling me to run away and hide behind the security that only a pile of coats can provide. I have an uncomfortable feeling of doubt as to whether or not I will ever be normal again. All I wish for is to stop thinking about the unspeakable things that I have seen, but I fear that such a feat is now impossible.

 

I think back to remember what brought about this state of affairs to a typical 21 year old student of the Geographic discipline. Was it the phases of the moon? Hardly, for I deal with moons much the same way as most decent folk do. Is it the stress of too much work at the university? Hah, dear reader, do not fall for that old excuse. Is it an assortment of medications that I have forgotten to take? Not at all, for I am as fit as a fiddle and am as mentally stable as any pub-dwelling, soap-dodging, toast eating man of the University. It is futile to suggest dear reader, for you have unlikely heard of the true cause of my affliction, those navigators of the darkness, the unspeakable, and the madness inducing. Those are the mysterious members of the Leicester Pagan Alliance.

 

Let me explain myself. Around a year ago, I made the perilous decision to do my University dissertation on the Pagan community of the city of Leicester. At the time that I was sent forth as the agent of the Ivory tower, I was resolute in my faith in rationality and science. Regrettably, I was inexperienced with the ways of the unspeakable, unfathomable, unpronounceable worlds of those I wished to study.

 

I remember the first LPA moot I attended. Overcoming my initial fear of the unfamiliar and the unknown, I began to interact with my objects of study. I was fascinated with the way these organisms defied conventional categorisation methods that a man of the social sciences such as myself was an adept of.

 

Unable to resist my scientific curiosity, I began to delve deeper into their worlds, listening intently to what they had to say, and hearing of what appeared to be simple Pagan superstitions that made little sense to the modern individual of education. I fear that as far back as then, my fate was sealed.

 

As I fervently continued my study, I made the critical error of spending far too much time in their company. As I listened to their dialogue and read their literatures, I realised that, as they had suggested, there was indeed something more beneath the surface of reality, something unexplainable by the textbooks in the hallowed libraries of the faculties of knowledge. Ensorcelled by their speech, I soon dared to brave the darkness for myself and began to explore the external catacombs of reality, to find out what I could. Guided by members of the LPA, those adept navigators of worlds unknown, I began to find clues on the paths I trod. Soon, I pieced things together, and I began to understand some of the words that I had overheard. Dear reader, the very meaning of these words, and the things that they suggest, I cannot utter here, for to do so would jeopardise the minds of those that read my writings. All I dare reveal is that there is more to our existence than what meets the eye. It lies unnoticed, yet has permeated into everything we experience. Such awareness of things is difficult to achieve, though those members of the Leicester Pagan Alliance are finely experienced. Yet to confer with them would be risking the mental grip on the world you know now dear reader, and those who do so surely risk madness.

 

Over the last year, I have just about got used to the moments when my entire perception of reality has been called into question. Such madness inducing moments are now common occurrence, and soon, I fear this will lead me further down the paths unknown. Dear reader, I implore you; if you wish to meet with those mysterious members of the Leicester Pagan Alliance, think long and hard, for their knowledge is great, and such knowledge will lead you to places that are unfamiliar, uncertain and unknowable.